Y.S.L.

Its about you. 

All that i feel but don't say ;

All that my words capriciously hide ;

Everything that goes on in my mind.

Disclaimer : This is NOT a work of fiction. Nor a figment of imagination. All incidents, characters , conversations, are real and bear extraordinary resemblance to my life. All references and opinions are solely my own.All information depicted is a part of my intellectual copyright.

 P.S.  I am not kidding.

        And its quite a long story...sans romance,drama, sugar or spice.
        I thoroughly enjoyed myself while doing this.

     

 

                             ___________________________________

Perspiring, nervous. 

Final round of the quiz - Rapid Fire.

Trailing by 15 points.

An auditorium full of muffled voices.

A hyperactive audience hushed in excitement.

I looked around to see the lesser mortals and a hundred eyes stared back at me. Except this scrawny li'l guy adjusting his specs and armed with a buzzer and notebook .

Keen witty eyes and a geeky hairdo. 

Facial expression - taut, but not stoic.

Familiar. Almost like that teen Rowling writes about.

A lasting first impression.

....That was almost 11 light years ago.

                                     ..................................................................................

...Inching closer to the timeline-----

"....Just brilliant. And bloody simple.
 Bhopal Gas Tragedy.
Bonus points.
That dude got us the second prize..."

" Congrats ! " I chipped in..

"You guys stood 2nd in CBSE  Heritage Quiz. !! 
 Huge trophy !! Did you win any cash?? 
or its Brittanica ??

"Both."

"Bumper!!  As anticipated,!! With you guys there. 

And who gave that answer, the one on Bhopal Tragedy?? "

  "Yashwant Lodha "

"I have heard of him. Is he the short one with specs.??!!.. 

My !! I never knew he had such a grandiose name."

                                   ...................................................................................

Just 4 years back..

"Hei....come, have a seat.." 

Same auditorium

A new projector screen

Curtains. Floor length.

And a short guy in casuals. 

Same geeky hairdo. 

An infectious childlike glint in the eye.

Plus specs. Black, framed.

The buzzer and the notebook were no more .

Instead, a laptop nestled in his lap.

The embossing read : IBM. 

Nonetheless. 
In awe...of the Quiz-master.

                                                                 

2o minutes into the quiz.

Several picture-puzzles and questions later.

 "Actress Nargis Dutt was supposedly suffering from this disease. 
Known as a psycholog...."

"KLEPTOMANIA.." I almost bellowed

. 

The audience lapped it up with claps. Another 10 points.

A "brilliant answer" , the quiz-master said.

 Second prize

Accolades.

In conversation with the quiz-master.

    "Any of you, who gives me the answer to this one, within 7 days,gets a treat from me ;..There is this picture of Adolf Hitler in his Nazi uniform . Who designed his uniform?? "

Frenzied fireworks burst in my mind

Too sumptuous a challenge to ignore.

Just one question.

7 days

Whats the big deal,

I am gonna do it.

Before this week ends.

Fanatic online searches.

Over 300 keywords

Pixels, advertisements, facts.

Lots of trials ..and even more errors

The drowsy dial-up net connection at home.

Disappointments. Truckload of 'em

Brainstorming sessions sans any Eureka -moment

 Sleepless nights, restless evenings

Wiki, Yahoo, Google Images, YouTube.

Finally .....

 5 Days Later

     "Hello..its me, Jagriti"

      " Hi !! say, wassup??

    " I found the answer. Its Hugo Boss."

    " Whoaaaa.. superbb!!! Where d'ya get it?? "

    " Umm.. not-to-be- discreet. Wikipedia gave me a hint. I banged on"

   " Well, anyways, the treat is yours. Just let me know.!!"

     

              ...................................................................

That's how it all began. 

My association with Satan.  

Too intriguing a name to be missed......

....for a fella who is yet another "vella" like me and you.

A by-chance meeting .

Several friendly encounters

Quizzes ,
Blog reads ,
Conversations , chats and more of 'em

..and many racy,flavoured memories.

 For two people who were born 4 years apart, have barely seen each other in the last 4 years,and have super-hectic lifestyles.we gel along great.In fact, could not have been better.

Whatever be the tuning, our frequency and bandwidth overlaps to the hilt. :P :P

Being with him , to be able to blabber at will, laughing like a jackass, squirting my stupidity in the wrong and right places,and the license to flaunt what I am , that's something this friendship has always churned out for me. There's so much of awesomeness to this whole thing.. sometimes I randomly smile without any reason at all.

There's this everlasting feel to our chats which I always cherish..whether its today or 2 years from now.What flagged off as a junior in awe of her senior, has sprouted into something that holds some of the best memoirs of my life.Every li'l nugget..a suppressed giggle or an impromptu pat..has snugly fitted into my memory pillow. And its too gorgeous a part of my life to wither.

YSL

  You are too fabulous a part of my life to be ignored.

 An elderly + freakier+ moronic + wilder version of me. 

 Add to it loads of chutzpah.

 And someone who is forever on a roll. 

Someone I have secretly tried to emulate at some point or other in my life.

With all that gyaan , "Fun has no fees" theory, 
stories about wild weekends 
&road trips with buddies, you are what they say.

..

 Entertainment,

Entertainment, 

and Entertainment.

Plus (Wait!! I am not done yet!!!.)

An exceptional quizzer and a MADCAP!!

Word-y-philia

Words, have always soothed me when no one else could.. There's this uncertain, unspoken melody about them that binds me..however fragmented or distraught I may be. Something which reigns me in , my unrelenting hysteria, like a huge lodestone. At times I am hot-headed enough to resemble a piranha ..... Anger is tearing at my seams..and then suddenly, the simmering wok of wrath gurgles out..as benign phrases which belie nothing of the searing within.

Words....though rumoured...have never failed me..

Truly Yours..Unbridled !!!

Careful , Cautious.
Two words. 

Anybody who has ever been close to me will tell you that these are two traits which can never be remotely attached with me. I have always been a rebel to the core, someone with a ingenuous penchant for daredevilry. To spice it all, jinxes and jeopardies have never shied away from me, they have been my loyal consorts.

I have always hunted for a specific one-word to describe myself best, but the search so far has been elusive. An undefined amalgam , I am, alloyed with motley of elements, some fine, few incongruous.

"I love rules. There is no point in being a rebel when there are none "    -(Anonymous *Divine Rebel*)                         

"If its still in your mind, its worth the risk".
    (Unknown)

Follow Dreams. Not Orders.
   (Spotted on Tumblr.)

And the best yet;

"No one looks back on their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep."                                                           

     (Somewhere on the Internet.)

I am actually this, wild, unruly kid at heart. Hardly an ideal daughter, my parents wanted....In fact, I have never been anywhere close to perfect, or good or graceful, not even average, or mediocre. Instead I have been perky enough to twist and twirl things to make them work my way. My parents always wanted to raise me to fit into a certain prototype, I , on the other hand, made sure that I would never toe the line........ .I have this uninhibited air about me..stubborn enough to follow my heart, by hook or by crook. And I am patient enough to pursue every grain of it, to perfection.

 I spent the first decade of my life  falling in love ....over and over again, with words. As a child I spent my mornings gobbling every phrase in the editorial of the newspaper, memorizing all the titbits about discoveries, inventions, oddities, marvels of science, and of nature.. The evenings were devoted to documentaries on Discovery Channel.( I remember having this irresistible fascination of going inside a pyramid and digging up a mummy or a cartouche full of lost, forgotten papyri, bearing hieroglyphics which would point to a secret treasure.) 

I kept translating my millesimal thoughts into slick English phrases..it kept me hooked for hours on end.

I have never had a huge social group, nor did I belong to any girl gang or secret club..I was always kinda shy , geeky and a loner by choice. Not that I am quiet and sessile NO, not at all..I am a simmering cauldron..perpetually in search of another.. ...in the meantime, i gel up well with story books (..and novels) of all shapes, sizes and genres.

I have this mad, fanatic streak in me...

Things which intrigue me, jeer at me or are too intricate to be solved,I hound them like a lunatic till I crush them into morsels to feed my starved brain.

(..that is why I took up psychiatry..cuz there can be no jigsaw as riveting as a human mind) 

For me, it has always been indispensable to live on the edge, to have the adrenaline pumping, to know that there's a mystifying avenue to be explored, I have this insatiable appetite to learn..and I  have voraciously nibbled every single nugget that has come my way.There has never been a phase in my life when I was content . NEVER.

When I had a string of buddies to hang out with, I longed to do something more meaningful ,more challenging..When I was basking in the glory of academics, I wanted do excel in something more than just academics. And I have been haughty enough try out bizarre , retrograde ideas , or tread onto terra incognita , just to land into troubled waters. 
I don't remember being fond of anything simple or easy-to-do....it never excites me enough.When I start playing a new game or solve a new puzzle, I choose the level which says *Hard / Expert*, just because its formidable enough to rack my brains out. Scoring high , huh,is never on my agenda, just like topping my class never is...Its the fascination of a raw challenge that keeps me going. I have had my share of scintillating successes and fulminant failures, but my hunger to learn, to adsorb new challenges , has always kept me grounded.   

 

I see people around me, merge talent with academic brilliance, For me,the two of 'em are immiscible.Parents, suitors, well wishers, friends..everyone, at some point has pointed out to this void in my life. I have never ever topped any class, mainly, due to lack of a wholehearted effort, and plainly cuz, topping is something I have never wanted to, instinctively.Partly because it doesn't push me to the edge or keep me hooked, partly because I, and only I get to decide when to leave my shabbiness (i.e my laid-back attitude) for better things. 

(I have seen my haappy-go-lucky nature quiver whenever I tether it to this rope of discipline or control..and I don't wanna end up as a mashed potato.)

Plus, I have this pressing intuition, that, when the time comes (which roughly translates into - when I feel like ) I will rise to the occasion. Till then , I can keep getting dirty !!! ( read as : keep experimenting, designing, redesigning, emulsifying,welding and repairing my life as I fancy !! ..and deriving my share of undiluted pleasure.) 

.....For long, I have been married to the idea that I was created to stay as such..Untamed. 

Maybe I was never meant to follow someone's footsteps.That's why God put me thru those rusty phases ..the crucible ..of ruthless struggle  ,of madness , of fatal failures , of ire ,of boredom , of passion , of inactivity , of gilded curses , and disguised boons. So that i could learn to adhere to my own ideologies, rather make someone else's my own. And He has,more often than not, incited the rebel in me..When I could no longer walk on, He prodded me to fly ,as the wind beneath my wings. There have been times when I have truly felt that I have been lucky to scrape through with all that recklessness of mine ,but I am glad He has taught me to value my originality...let my creativity take a flight of its own, ignoring all barriers...So that I know that neither times nor destiny, but I have the sole copyright to my life.

P.S.
Only you could have done it, Wyuka. #The Poet And The Programmer. Only you could have made me adamant enough to write this post.The ideology born and bred in my mercurial mind found a Siamese twin in that post of yours . All those quiescent verbose phrases in my mind were kicked alive.(I have tried not to repeat what u have already written, yet somehow sculpt my own version in a dizzied focus)What amazes me is the unbelievable degree of similarity and the flawless picture you have etched, effortlessly.  Wish i could write those very words in that post, imbued with the magic of your sheer simplicity.
#Wyuka Knows Best . Period.

And..Here I go..!!

 I have been blabby and cheeky all my life. This blog is just an ornamental extension of my loquacity. You will soon find out.
 

Just after passing out school:

College-hood was (supposedly, i.e all in my mind) nothing less than a dream-come-true.Fantasies and  predictions of varied proportions and to lengthy extents spawned in that frenzied , voluminous  tissue-mass that sits on my shoulders. Any miniscule mention of gangs and get-togethers would set off a whirr of mental machinery...to churn out whipped emotions which went on like this >


Lazy evenings wrapped with random shit and breezy talk..
.
A gang of happy-go-lucky freaky friends to hang out with after bunking the class.

Weekends laced with action movies, popcorn, late nights,siesta and..INTERNET!!

Coffees, conversations,secrets to keep, steaming gossip to rave about..

Boring lectures to sleep,or munch crispies and text at a maniacal pace.
(Who goes to class to study anyway..!!)

Winter-nights to shudder in a group of six inside the    same blanket..n blabber on..about guys, not-so-hot classmates/ roommates, celebs, wannabes, drama queens, life and its tragedies,.relations, love, parents,...

Pranks....to be played on every tom , dick and harry on the college campus.
.
Sunny afternoons spent in a air-conditioned mall trying on a zillion outfits..

Cultural fiestas,.. to participate,. to flaunt the emblazoned t-shirts and getting drowned in rock music and trance..

Getting tatttoed in odd places..

Parties, B'day treats, DJ nights , Rock Bands...and more n more of 'em.

Studying at the eleventh hour..like a monk in penance and scraping through with decent marks and an occasional *batch topper*.

......and a trillion more ambrosial fantasies,fermenting inside my expansile grey matter....

3 Years and  Several Lessons later
 

Reality Check : 

      

Sense and Sensibility are defunct traits of human nature. 

Friends Are Disposable .

"Common Sense" is as redundant as typewriters and floppy disks.

Jealousy  is KEWL!! Being a samaritan is the biggest blunder u can do.

Marlboro and Smirnoff  rule the roost, Dark Chocolate and Cadbury are for the weaker earthlings.

DJ Nights and Parties..(dont even get me started on this..the less i say, the better..all people wanna hear is songs from Emraan Hashmi's flicks)

And ..then there is this moral police..

Life's never been this boring..School was so much better!!

  

...A sackfull of other innuendos which i detest bringing to the fore.

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For me (and many others), criticizing may be the best form of revenge against everything we dislike. I sometimes realize that follies and vagaries of human nature are here to stay, and so are the ups and downs.With time, all of us grow up, learn to adjust and avoid being emotionally hurt. a time comes , when the crescendo subsides , all the bitterness evaporates and we find a distilled version of ourselves, free from any grudges or ill-will. 

And at the helm of another important lesson learnt, i look up again..at the people who came and went,and at the the dull-n-dusty , sometimes sweet-n chirpy memories i have with all of 'em. All of'em, good, bad or ugly, likeable or disagreeable..were a part of the days that scurried by, and are studded the memorabilia i call My Life.

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The kid inside me..squeaks again..
Eager to push the vanquished heart aside and turn the mottled canvas kaleidoscopic.

      i make friends, with the same gusto, as before;

      i dress up and dance wildly at the parties, however stiff be the moral police

      i blabber relentlessly, playing pranks, and make-up stories.

      i safeguard secrets and spread shitty rumours. 

      i gloat.
      i make a fool of myself...all the time..!!

      i go to movies, (at times, alone , if no one drags me to 'em)

      i (absolutely) salivate over (and read from cover-to cover)books, even if i flunk the exams.

      i hang out with dumb-asses.

      i manage to get decent marks, even if i spent the last night drooling over some new action-flick.

      i am happy with all that destiny spills on me.

      

I, Me , & my life is as gorgeous as ever..and shall stay so..however moronic the times may be !! 

Hallelujah!!!!

The grease has been wiped off ; the glumness has crumbled ; the sassiness has kicked back in..

The chink in the armour has been welded; the cufflinks,corroded; the freakishness revived.

And i grin like a horse..glancing back at the stranger that was me.

From a warrior to a worrier..and a U-turn again.